Smurf's Hole

If you shop online or even sell online - This is important

2011-09-05T06:11:00.000-07:00

Great Online Offers That Not A Lot Of People Know About. Don't chuck your hard earned money away and pay more than you have too. Have a read through before you plan buying for christmas.

I strongly recommend signing up for the below services / offers especially as Christmas is a few months off, you will all make huge savings or even get your gifts for free. Have a read through and ask if you have any questions.

If you find the below useful, please let your friends and family know about this page too. Thank you.

Quidco

These guys are great, you sign up with them and you get cash back on purchases at many big retailers. Last Christmas, I found some great deals on gifts for people at Superdrug for example, they had an electric toothbrush reduced from £60 to £30 and I went through Quidco who also had an offer on purchases through Superdrug and I ended up getting it for £19!

There are many other offers and if you shop for clothes, games etc online then it is worth a sign up as you also get cash back offers too. Every penny helps in this day and age.

Have a look and sign up, especially in time for christmas as in January you may receive enough cash back to chip away at the card debts or just to treat yourself!

Click here to visit Quidco

Groupon

This is another brilliant site and ideal for gifts, trips etc. They have huge discounts on nice things, for example, you can get a spa day with about 75% off of the cost or training days, activities, restaurants, holidays, you name it they do it!

Another great thing about Groupon, is if you have a business offering a service such as hair dressing, you can set up on there and do a special offer, say 100 coupons for people to get a half price hair cut. This works great as it has a mass following plus you get bulk orders and thats more people to spread the word of your company.

Click HERE to visit Groupon.

Freebies Sites

Mentioned on the Gadget Show!

You all know by now that I have been doing these for years and they are (especially in the current climate) the best way to get expensive/luxury goods. Things like Apple Ipads / Iphones / iMacs or Games consoles , games or anything from Amazon.

"Last Christmas, my family member wanted to get a PS3 for their kids and all the family just went through my referral link, spent £5 on a bingo offer (10 of them did this) and we had £200 to spend on Amazon at the cost of only £50, it was great as the whole family chipped in for the kids and got them something amazing by spending only 25% of the cost. Unfortunately no one won on the bingo lol but some of them still use the site so it was good for the bingo company too. "

Think of it like this, a company spends millions on advertising, such as Love film, with this advertising, they are not guaranteed everyone will become their customer. This site gets you to sign up to one of these companies and complete an offer / trial or actually buy something. The company (Love Film for example here) will then be grateful that they have reached/gained a new customer and will pay the Freebie site for example £40 for each new customer, the freebie site will then give you £20 for each new client you bring them. It is really simple and if you have a group of friends or family willing to help, you could get something like an XBOX 360 for 7 of your friends signing up and completing an offer.

Check it out and have a look at the offers, remember, it is important to give your correct details otherwise you will get people signing up for you but the company wont be able to send you your free gifts.

Below are the two best options:

For Apple products click below

For custom orders (anything off of Amazon) click below (this is the one I use the most as you can pretty much get anything from Amazon):

You can also exchange each referral for cash which I think is around £17 per person but I think it is nice to treat yourself/others to expensive gifts which would sometimes be unjustified on your budgets.

Just stick to the main rules as the company is strongly governed by the companies who pay them:

1 sign up per household (you can't use the same address as some one or the same IP address)
No fake details (otherwise no free gift)
Do not lead your friends into picking a particular offer as they want to be fair to all of the brands (although I am sure if you see and offer for say a betting site and your mate is going to use it anyway it wouldn't hurt ;))

In other words just be honest and fair with them as you will miss out. I had a couple of people who signed up for me, completed the offer, then went back again and completed a 2nd offer trying to get a referral and they got banned, which meant I did not get my referral and neither did they!

This can be a good little part time job too and is a better way than buying the kids a games console on the credit card at xmas and paying interest, just get it for free and ask your friends to help!

I hope my above guide helps you to save some money this year and help you all to have a great christmas, remember to send me thank you cards in january ;)

Pre-order FIFA 12 or PES 2012

2011-09-02T06:23:00.000-07:00

It is that time of year again when the battle to be the top football game begins. Fifa has overtaken PES in the last few seasons but will this be the year Konami take back their crown?

I have read lots of reviews / previews and as always it is hard to compare as there are fans of both franchises. I have pre-ordered Fifa 12 (Special addition with free Ultimate Team Packs) on the XBOX 360 as I prefer playing my friends on Xbox Live. I will however have a try of PES12 and maybe pick it up too.

Please take a look below for the trailers / adverts / gameplay videos of both games to decide for yourself. You can also pre order via my Amazon links which will ensure that you get the game on time/early as last year there were people having to wait 2/3 days until extra stock became available in the supermarkets/highstreet.

If you are on XBOX live or PS Network and are getting either, contact me and I will add you for a game some time. There are talks of an ultimate friends league with a cash prize (maybe 20 teams, £20 each, play each other twice, Winner takes £300, 2nd place £80 and 3rd £20)

Get in touch if interested and make sure to pre-order today so you can relax and wait for it to turn up at your gaff!

PES 2012 Videos

Pre Order Pro Evolution Soccer 2012 today from Amazon and receive the game early or on release day.

Fifa 12 Videos

Pre Order Fifa 12 today from Amazon and receive the game early or on release day.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes - Review

2011-09-02T05:38:00.000-07:00

IMDB
Synopsis:
During experiments to find a cure for Alzheimer's disease, a genetically-enhanced chimpanzee uses its greater intelligence to lead other apes to freedom.

I watched this movie when I was in an emotional place. I was all alone in the world and my only friend was an old malteaser that I found rolling towards a drain during heavy rain. I was in a dark time in my life and I was not expecting too much from this movie (even though the trailer looked awesome).

I was not just surprised at how good this film was but will go as far as to say that it was one of the best films, if not the best film, I have seen this year.

Franco - Genius or Arm sawing Nutbag?

The James Franco is back on our screens again and this guy can do no wrong, every thing I have seen in him seems to make him look like a better actor. Wether he is playing a stoner in Pineapple express of a 1 armed rock jumping man in 127 hours, he excels. In the Apes movie, he is yet again sublime. The main monkey, Cesar, is played by Golam/King Kong actor Andy Serkis and again he brings the character to life.

Andy Serkis pictured outside his local Gala Bingo

The girl from Slumdog is also in this but my favourite appearance was by the evil Wizard Malfoy who is also an animal hating hillbilly in this with and "great" USA accent.

Malfoy is back but this time he wants to use his wand in the monkeys

The story goes like this: James Franco is a science geek, doing tests on Monkeys to help cure human diseases, his dad is the alien from 3rd rock from the sun and has a mental illness so James wants to cure him. One of the medicines he makes turns the monkey clever etc... you get the drift if you have seen the older movies but it is an awesome prequel.

I liked it so much that I got a tattoo of James franco on my elbow so whenever I go bowling, I can see him smile at me when I hit a strike.

If I could change one thing about this movie, it would be to replace the Apes with sausages and swap James Franco with a cat. This I think would throw the audience right of the scent and add a deeper twist to the movies outcome. As it is though, you already know whats gonna happen as it's a prequel, so maybe I may right to the studio and see if we can edit this before the DVD is released.

I highly recommend this movie.

5 Murphs out of 5

Fantastic Personalised Portraits - http://personalisedportraits.co.uk/

2011-08-29T08:30:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine has recently set up a new business to make good use of their amazing drawing skills. Please take a look and spread the word if you know anyone who would like this service (be a great xmas or birthday gift!)

http://personalisedportraits.co.uk/

I really liked the idea of getting your kids pictured with a family member who has passed over or another cool idea would be to get pictures done of say a grandfather, a father and a son but when they were all 18 or something! Anyway, check it out and get in touch with them.

They can even add people to the photos from old pics.

I am planning on getting a drawing done of me and a celebrity to fool my friends but most of my friends are no longer around due to my so called "arrogance". I may instead get a picture of me with a goat and tell people in the streets that it is a magic goat and then I can swap it for some beans and plant them in my swamp. Then a big beanstalk will grow and I can finally eat a giant!

Top Pre-Orders For 2011 - Treat yourself or your partner

2011-08-19T09:43:00.000-07:00

Below are some of the top pre-orders for this year. Including Microsoft Xbox 360, Sony PS3, Nintendo Wii games. Treat yourself or get someone you like a present!

Remember, by ordering direct through my links with Amazon and pre-ordering you may get your item earlier than release date and you will not have to worry about stock running out and being disappointed on release day. It is also usually cheaper to order online than in the high street.

Ladies, if you LOVE your boyfriends and husbands, then treat them to Fifa 12 and the new Call of duty games. I know you get annoyed that their consoles get more attention than you do but think of the guilt you can put on them!!!!

Top XBOX 360 Pre-Orders

Top PS3 Pre-Orders

Top Wii Pre-Orders / Top Offers

Is Man Utd's New Signing Phil Jones A Fish?

2011-08-15T08:44:00.000-07:00

I know what your thinking "your crazy Murph, all alone there in your nest made up of old condoms and empty duck eggs" but this time its for real, I've got evidence and scientific truth.

Now let me give you some back story, I was sitting on a Bean bag watching Sky Sports News whilst enjoying a succulent McDonalds Bic Mac Sandwich which I had earlier purchased whilst shopping for ladies underwear and I almost chocked when I saw this Phillip Jones Signing for Manchester United (AKA the Red Socks to my soccer loving friends.) Why you say? I am glad you asked. Here is why.

5 years ago I get a call in the middle of the night, it was my friend Randolf and he is a soccer agent, he tells me he saw some fish playing football whilst he was on vacation at this beach, I said "hey Randolf, why don't you go fuck yourself you piece of shit no good son of a bitch, its 4am in the fucking morning and I got to go earn some beans in the factory in 2 fucking hours, have you been sniffing that go go powder again? Now fuck off" I hung up. When I awoke to go to the tampon sorting factory (my job was to sort the different sizes and shapes out, I was hoping to get a promotion into the Pearl division) I got a Beep on My mobile phone, it read:

Murph, I aint crazy I found a fish that has a footballing brain and I am bringing him to the UK, look he's a beaut ;-) pic attached

I thought Randolf was a crazy old fool with a giant fish but thank the lord Jesus himself that Randolf took the risk as I was not to expect what would occur that day, I was fired for gross misconduct, apparently it is not sanitary to eat raw, bloody , Rabbit meat whilst handling the tampons. I was furious, I had given them 32 years of my life and they just threw me away like an old towell. I would get my revenge, but thats another story.

I called Randolf to break the news to him, he had just arrived at the airport and was coming to pick me up. He arrived with this stinking fish that smelt like my priests blanket. We went to the park and he showed me what the fish could do, it was amazing.

"I've called him Phil" said Randolf "Phil the fish Jones"

"It has talent but how are we gonna exploit this, I think its too risky, lets open him up and use it to smuggle quail eggs into Cuba" Said I

"No, were not making the same mistake we made will the bear from the zoo, he died for nothing, I've already called a scientist pal of mine, he has made me a little something so we can pass him off as human" Replied Randolf

So we went to this guy and he developed the below for us:

It is a suit very similar to lord Krangs (below) where the fish sits on top of a robots body. We then bought a ton of Turkey sausages and mushed them together into a paste which resembled skin. Using old photos of Michael Bubbly to entertain us, we worked though the night sticking the paste onto the robot. We then used some horse hair to make him seem more human like. We also made use of the bags of teeth that I had been collecting through my years and gave "Phil" the winning smile you see today.

And for all the science geeks who ask me "well how does he breath then?" Deer, we have hooked up poweraid nto his gills so he not only breaths but at 110%!

After all this hard work, me and Randolf got some fake documents and got him into the system, we then sold him to Blackburn Rovers in exchange for £80,000 and erotic pictures of Big Sam fighting a donkey covered in honey nut loops.

If you look closely, you can see our work up close.

And for any doubters, I think you will find the below video is damming proof:

If you like the football then please pre - order FiFA 12 from Amzon below and get it before release day!

Breaking News: Manchester United Land Record £42m Sneijder on 5 Year Deal

2011-08-05T09:59:00.000-07:00

Utd land there main man

Picture Text from David Gill's phone?: Fergie Has Got His Man

Manchester United have announced the signing of Inter Milan playmaker Wesley Sneijder for a British transfer record £42m. It ends the ongoing summer saga as many believed Inter would not sell. As reported by sources close to the club last night, Sneijder was seen boarding a plain from China ruling him out of this weekends super cup challenge. A deal had been brokered between the two clubs and Sneijder's agent had agreed terms on a 5 year deal believed to be worth around £220k per week.

A source close to the club confirmed that Sneijder was their number one target in replacing the void left by Paul Scholes. They also mentioned that they had looked at alternatives incase a deal couldn't be brokered including Arsenals contract rebel Sami Nasri and surprisingly Aston Villa's Emile Heskey.

Due to Paul Scholes Testimonial tonight, there has been no official statement or press conference but it is expected on Monday.

Stay tuned for confirmation.

Disclaimer: The views expressed here may not be true and somewhat made up so please take this with a pinch of salt and if Utd do not get Sneijder, you could always sign him on Fifa 12 Ultimate team if you pre order now for free Gold packs.

My Youtube Video Round Up For This Week

2011-08-05T07:22:00.000-07:00

A Selection Of Comical Videos From Youtube

I've been looking on this new website called "youtube" and it appears to contain lots of funny videos, here are a selection of videos which I think you may enjoy, if you don't then you would probably enjoy VHS tapes of Ghandi singing broadway musical songs.

Dogs eating Dinner

Cassetteboy vs The Bloody Apprentice

Fat Kid on a ride

Turtle Makes Love To A Shoe

People Failing

Win Win - Movie Review

2011-08-05T05:57:00.000-07:00

Wow, this film was great. If you like indy flicks such as Juno, then this is for you.

The story revolves around a broke lawyer and his struggle with money and a young man who stays with them through one of his clients. It is a little more complex than that but it is a great film which will make you chuckle and feel warm inside.

The kid is also great at wrestling and this brings out the children in the main adult characters.

Definately watch this one, unless you prefere to watch donkeys eating cats.

Fifa 12 Review - Including Gameplay Videos and Free Ultimate Team Packs

2011-08-05T05:31:00.000-07:00

Fifa 12 is not long away now and they have made some apparent improvements since last year which can be seen in the videos below.

One element I am not sure about is the increased injury system as I am worried there will be too many Darren Andertons in game. I am however looking forward to smashing my opponents best player each game and hoping they get stretchered off! Especially in Ultimate Team where the douche bags keep hurting my best players.

They have also improved the dribbling which will be great for players such as Nani, Messi & Ronaldo as you will truly get a benefit using these players.

The defending has also had a massive overhaul which will have a steeper learning curve so expect the early matches to be very high scoring until you get to grips with it.

The Ultimate Team will return and this year you can buy the special edition (See Links Below) and receive free Gold Packs for the upcoming season. This is well worth the £3 or so extra and Amazon are usually very good so you can pre order now and they will only charge you the price at release date which sometimes can be a lot cheaper.

FIFA 12 launches in the UK on 30th September

You can pre-order your copy now to avoid disappointment on the release day (Like I did last year when hunting around for a whole day in London to find somewhere that hadn't sold out)

There are links to Amazon for the standard edition and the special edition (with the free Ultimate team packs) for Playstation 3 and Xbox 360.

Manufacturer's Description

Pre-order Offer (Special Edition)
Pre-order FIFA 12 and receive 18 Gold packs (3 packs per month for 6 months) to build your dream club in FIFA 12 Ultimate Team.
WHAT IS FIFA ULTIMATE TEAM ?
EA SPORTS FIFA 12 Ultimate Team is a massive online community of fans building, managing and competing with their ultimate football team from the world’s best players in FIFA 12. Join over 2 million fans and take on the challenge of building a squad of the world’s best football stars by earning, buying, selling and trading players with other Ultimate Team gamers around the world. Build your ultimate football club the way real-world coaches and managers build the truly great football teams. Match your dream team against your friends’ best teams whenever you want.
WHAT IS A FIFA ULTIMATE TEAM GOLD PACK?
Improve your Ultimate Team and experience the excitement of opening your monthly gold packs. Each pack is a mix of 12 items, including players, contracts, stadiums, managers, staff, fitness, healing, balls, kits and badges. Gold Packs consist of players rated 75+ in-game and include one rare item. Rare items include enhanced player attributes, longer contracts and the most coveted players.
FIFA 12 brings to the pitch the game-changing new Player Impact Engine, a physics engine built to deliver real-world physicality in every interaction on the pitch. Experience the way real-world footballers challenge each other for the ball, win possession, and test each other physically. Enjoy an infinite variety of natural and believable outcomes in every collision. Players feel more resilient, push and pull during the fight for possession, and recover from light challenges more easily.
Revolutionary gameplay innovations make FIFA 12 deeper and more engaging. All-new Precision Dribbling creates a higher fidelity of touch on the ball for better control in tight spaces, more time to make decisions on attack, and more control over the pace of the game. Innovations in attack are balanced by a re-designed defending mechanism, making it as skilful and meaningful as real-world football. With all-new Tactical Defending, positioning and intercepting passes are as important as tackling. Tactics and timing are crucial. Plus, CPU players have been infused with Pro Player Intelligence, a self-awareness that enables them to behave and make decisions based on their own skills and tendencies, and gives them the aptitude to understand the strengths and weaknesses of teammates in every situation.
Introducing EA SPORTS Football Club—the heartbeat of FIFA 12—a live service connecting players to the real-world game with fresh, new content all the time, enabling them to support their favourite club and connect and compete with their friends, rivals and millions of other players around the world. Additional features will be revealed in the months ahead.
Key Features:

Player Impact Engine—Two years in development, the new physics engine is built to deliver real-world physicality in every interaction on the pitch. Experience an infinite variety of natural and believable outcomes in every contact. Players feel more resilient on the ball, push and pull during the fight for possession, and recover from light challenges more easily, preserving their natural momentum.
Pro Player Intelligence—CPU players have been infused with self-awareness and aptitude, enabling them to make decisions based on their own skills as well as the strengths and attributes of their teammates. Players who possess exceptional vision, for example, will see opportunities for through balls that other players won’t. Real Madrid’s Kaká will be more likely—and quicker—to pick out a run from a teammate farther away than a player with poorer vision. Additionally, teams will vary their attack based on the strengths of their players on the pitch, and the weaknesses of opposing players, creating a more authentic experience and greater variety of matches.
Tactical Defending—Re-designed defending mechanism fundamentally changes the approach to defending by placing equal importance on positioning, intercepting passes and tackling at the right moment. Tactics and timing are crucial.
Precision Dribbling—Enjoy new ways to take on opponents, more time on the ball to make decisions, and complete control of the pace of the game. Utilize close dribble touches in tight spaces, on the wings, and even while fending off an opponent.
EA SPORTS Football Club—For the first time ever, everything within FIFA 12, and against friends, is measured in a meaningful way. Every match matters, all season long. Earn experience points and level up to build status. Track friends, challenges and status through the web. Share and compare accomplishments and spread the news on social channels like Facebook. Plus, real-world storylines will drive content. Gamers will relive crucial real-world football events through regular challenges so that FIFA 12 will look, feel and play like the real-world season.
Support Your Club—A central experience in EA SPORTS Football Club that enables fans to represent their club and compete against rival clubs in everything they do in FIFA 12. Earn club points and lift your club higher in the Support Your Club League Tables or help them avoid relegation. Virtual league tables are reset each week to create new challenges, renewed rivalries, and fresh storylines.
True Injuries—The Player Impact Engine monitors contact between players in real-time, analyzing the force of the collision and impact on the body to detect real injuries, creating a deeper more challenging Career Mode. Manage new types of injuries and the risk of sending a player onto the pitch who isn’t fully healed.
New Presentation—Matches now have a real-world broadcast look and feel. Dramatically improved lighting, more authentic crowds, and new default camera make every game feel special.
Easier Navigation—Redesigned menu system for fast and easy navigation, featuring customizable Main Menu based on arena player, Virtual Pro and favorite club.
Complete Authenticity—Over 500 officially licensed clubs and more than 15,000 players

Colin and Chris Weir Euro Millions Lottery Winners To Go Public? Big Mistake!

2011-07-15T06:41:00.001-07:00

In around 20 minutes, the The pair, from the FALKIRK, Scotland, will perform at a press conference to brag about their record winnings (£162M Roughly). Now I for one have never understood why you would do this unless you just wanted to brag or if it is all a hoax and there fait will be that of the lottery winners in the movie the island.

If I won even £1Million, I would lock the doors, close the curtains and keep quiet. I would of course then spend all of the money building a gold suit of armour incase We ever revert back to old skool warfare and I could bag the hot princesses due to my fetching attire whilst jousting our enemies via horseback.

But this is a big story and they will have everyone interested in them, now with rich celebs, they have companies behind them to deal with nuisance calls and beggars etc and not only that but many have built up their fortunes over time and developed a tolerance to it. These people are gonna OD on money.

I would worry about the following if I were them:

- Constant charity harassment - Just think how bad it is for us, Joe Public, walking down a high street when you accidentally make eye contact with a chugger, theres no escape unless you lie good to them. I always tell them that I am Zog from the planet teethron and watch as they try and leave the conversation only to realised I have already cello taped there leg to my arm and there is no escape now.

- They will also get constant baggers full of charity stories, "Oh my kids a genius and can't afford to go to Harvard, please help, its pennies to you" - This would be annoying but also enable you to respond harshly with comments like "you should of used a condom then" or "your family should have worked harder" in the knowledge that you have recently purchased ED-209 from Robocop 2 and he has got your back - As soon as they hear "Halt, you have 10 seconds to comply" they will be off your property.

- Friends who you can not trust - They will have 6th cousins from all over the world coming forward and kids who they were bullied by at school treating them like royalty just wanting a piece of the pie. Again though, you could spend he day hiring out the BBC studio for Total Wipeout & make them play it out for some cash but make some dangerous modifications (Acid instead of water and cover the boxing gloves in Jam whilst firing Bee hives at them)

In fact writing this has changed my whole perspective, yes you make yourself a target for villains who can break into your home for money or kidnap your kids, but think of all the horrible yet fun things you can do to the scroungers?

If the Winners ever read this, then I will happily accept a large portion of money sprinkled with a taste of jealousy and hate from the rest of the public as long as you realise that I will sue the money to build some kind of animal catching machine that turns cats into Kinder eggs.

Enjoy the money and remember, it is there to share.

When We Met Cheryl Cole and Simon Cowell - The Worlds Best Xfactor Audition

2011-07-06T08:48:00.000-07:00

Comedy Review - One To Watch Ash Frith

2011-06-29T08:44:00.001-07:00

Hi Guys, Just seen this video by Ash Frith of his performance of up the creek in London, he is a really classy award winning Essex comedian (Not his Jokes, there pretty out there) but a top guy too so check out his video and follow him on Twitter @AshFrith.

Thank you

Lovely Video Of A Kitten Stuck In A Hamster Ball - A Nice Cheer Up Video

2011-06-16T08:52:00.000-07:00

Uk Justice Strikes Again - Poor Joanne Fraill AKA The Facebook juror

2011-06-16T05:15:00.000-07:00

I am really saddened by this story, Joanne Frail has been given an 8 month prison/jail sentence for contacting a defendant on Facebook. Now, I would say fair enough if she was up to no good, but she was showing a bit of sympathy for the lady defendant and was being naive.

What is really upsetting is the fact that Joanne is a hard working mother and has helped the country out by doing Jury service, ok she has cost us about £6million reportedly by messing up the trial, but these things happen if you don't have a trained full time Jury and the Judge thinks that sending her to prison will help? I read articles on how serial drug addicted burglars do not get returned to prison as it is at no benefit to them and they do not pose a threat to the public (you tell that to the innocent people who's lives they ruin), so why now has the judge been so harsh on a nice lady?

I just wish that there was some consistency with our judicial system. I am sick of seeing murderers, rapists and perverts getting short sentencing and people who do one bad thing like not pay there council tax, go to prison for longer. I do not feel that we as a nation are being treated fairly or listened too, we need a change and lets start by getting this poor woman freed.

Please start a Twitter Trend to get her out ##GetJoanneFraillReleased

Thanks guys

Full Story is here http://t.co/eSGHznN

My advice to protecting your Computers (I've worked in IT since school)

2011-06-14T08:43:00.000-07:00

Do you go on naughty sites or watch films online? If so, you may already be infected. Here is my guide to sorting your computer out.

Ok guys, my biggest pet hate (apart from clowns on the register) is virus issues and scum bags who try and steal innocent people's credit card details.

Many of you probably feel that your already protected with a free virus program that you downloaded or a virus protection software that came with your computer, well maybe against some stuff.

I have worked with this software for many years now and will not comment on other brands but Eset is by far the only virus protection that I would recommend.

Why?

- It is the best value (3 user licenses are cheaper than 1 from other brands, so you can protect the whole family)
- It wins awards year on year due to it detecting the most new viruses
- It is light on your computer and will not slow it down whilst scanning as many others do.

Do not got to PC world when yours runs out and spend £30-£50 on a poor VP just because you know the name or renew your current one just because it is easier, save some money and actually protect your computer, it can be awful being hacked or being a victim of fraud.

My friend recently got hacked and they used her e-mail address to tell her friends and family that she had been mugged whilst on holiday and needed urgent funds so she could get home, how awful, what would you do if you were not sure if it was them? You may not risk leaving them there stranded but that is the kind of scams these people use.

Another typical virus protection scam, is that you visit a site and they install fake virus software, you reboot and it says you have lots of virus issues and then it asks for £30 to get the license and clean them up, the software is fake, there are no viruses, they just want your credit card details.

Be careful guys and feel free to ask me if you get any internet security issues.

The 3 user license is the same price as 1 user (see below) so protect your whole family.

Super Injunction - There is a horrific story hidden away

2011-06-14T04:40:00.000-07:00

Something much worse than affairs and hookers has gone unnoticed by the British public.

I can not say too much here but many people are interested in the footballers and affairs etc but this has totally distracted from another story. I am not risking going back to prison with Andy Durfresne so will say little more but read ALL of the stories carefully and you will see that a hideous act has taking place and its not one of the affair stories which quite frankly are not interesting news. Look at the twitter bloggers revealing the super injunctions to find out more.

On another Injunction related note, how is it that a prostitute is not being arrested for openly admitting she is one? I thought it was illegal but it appears that everyone is more concerned with people being named rather than illegal activities. It is like someone in a case going to the papers and saying "I was doing a massive cocaine deal with a premier league footballer but I have been forced by the courts to keep his name secret" well hang on, you just admitted to committing a crime.

It really gets my Goat.

Lovely Bones - Got the most complaints in the UK last year

2011-06-14T03:18:00.000-07:00

When I read that the movie, the lovely bones had the most complaints submitted against it due to it's 12a rating, I was surprised. Why? you ask, not because I was surprised it got a lot of complaints but more because the complaint were not related to how s**t the film was.

I mean come on, nobody realised that there was an obvious child killer in the town! And the stupid kid ghost made Casper seem like Albert
Einstein , all she needed was a few Patrick Swayze style can flicks and she could have found peace after 5 minutes of being dead.

I don't blame Peter Jackson, I blame the author of the book, I'm sorry but I just don't get this story and I am surprised people did not burn down the cinema after watching this frustrating nonce fest.

What did you think of the book or Movie and do you think the rating should have been higher than a 12a?

Live Comedy review - Colin Hoult

2011-06-13T09:18:00.000-07:00

I have seen many shows, live and on the television, this guy is the funniest comedian that my brain has ever received. His show was awesome.

Colin Hoult along with him team of also very good comics, had a group of us in tears from start to finish. I do not want to give anything away as you just simply have to go and experience this genius but he plays several different extreme characters from an ex army soldier from Leeds to a theatre Lovey.

I met him after the show briefly in the bar and he was also a stand up chap, I can see massive things happening for this guy, he just has something special.

Make sure you watch him at some point this year because I have a feeling his ticket prices will rocket within 12 months.

He is also on Twitter @wheeliemancrow and Facebook

Let me know if you have seen him or when you do.

Water For Elephants - Review

2011-06-13T08:58:00.000-07:00

IMDB PAGE

I kept seeing posters for this on the underground and was hoping that it would be a light hearted romp about a vampire who fell in love with Reese Witherspoon but no, this was a sick, twisted tail of Bestiality, not what you would expect from a 12a rated movie.

The kids I were with were horrified. In fairness, not as horrified as their parents, when they realised that they had gone from their seats watching an entirely different movie in a different city but I was not going in their alone.

The plot: The day walker (Robert Pattinson) returns as a loveable Rogue who murders his parents by accident because he was drink flying a plane so he quits a good education training to be a architect and jumps on a train with the circus. He then lies and says that he is a vet so they do not throw him off the train. The train / circus is controlled by a former Nazi (Christoph Waltz) who is the leader of the rings. He doesn't like the day walker from day one as he can smell his animal loving breath on his wife's neck (Reese Witherspoon). I do not want to give any more away of the plot but all I can say is, there is a graphic sexual scene involving a vampire and an elephant! It is sick, honestly, it makes the human centipede 2 look like Disney's Fantasia.

The extended graphic sex scene aside, there is a story about the relationships of the people too and this is pretty shit. If you are a chick, then you will think this is an ok film. If you are a dude and like The Transporter, then this will make you chop off your fingers so you can jab them further into your eye sockets.

Overall : 2 ComedyMurphs out of 5

Movie Review - Hobo With A Shotgun (Really?)

2011-06-13T08:21:00.000-07:00

IMDB PAGE

This is another Grind house Trailer movie which was created from the trailers from Death proof similar to Machete.

I'm not going to lie, I was a little disappointed. I thought this would show the struggle that many homeless folk have with addiction and violence but instead it was a bum going round killing people with a shot gun.

This was the only film showing at the theatre with spaces and I hate missing my movie date night that me and my nan have on a Friday so we decided to see it. Im lucky that she has gone mental as she spent most of the movie counting, then recounting the number of m&ms in a packet, I just wish that they weren't the guys sitting next to us, I had to beat him to death with his own shoe, not a pretty site.

The film was similar to a Troma film (Toxic Avenger) with over the top characters and even more over the top gore but as in real life, you just don't care about the homeless guy.

I would only watch this if A) you had too because your family were being held hostage at gun point and they guy would only release them if you sat through this poop or B)if you had taking some mind altering drugs like Calpol

Rating: 2 ComedyMurphs out of 5

Follow Me on Twitter

2011-06-13T07:50:00.000-07:00

Like my stuff? Feel sorry for me? Wanna Sell me something?

Then Follow me on Twitter @ComedyMurph

X-Men First Class: Review

2011-06-13T07:48:00.000-07:00

IMDB Page

If you like the X-men franchise or are a closet geek then I think you will enjoy this one!

I grew up watching the X-men cartoons and enjoyed them greatly. They were an escape from my real life where I was the "mutant in school" or the "Elephant mans little brother" as my teachers used to call me. It was nice to think that one day I could find a group of misfits and use my powers for good or evil.

This new movie is pretty good, The first 2 x-men films were nice and the 3rd was ok but I was not a fan of X-men Origins (The Wolverine film). This is probably the best one overall.

It is a prequel to the original film trilogy and explains how professor X used to be a Scottish man with floppy Hugh Grant like locks and could walk but I think his womanising and heavy drinking ended up giving him premautre hair loss and an STD put him in the chair. His mate Eric, aka Magneto is also a main character and it shows how the Nazis done his family in and how he is fighting between his good an evil side.

The main villain in this flick is Kevin Bacon aka The Footloose Babe Pig In The City Faced Invisible Man - I did not know his character from the cartoon etc but basically he is a man who can absorb explosions and then re use them. He is like Magneto is in the later films, a visionary who supports a mutant only world (like my uncle jack who used to experiment with human teeth found in Cola bottles and cats found in peoples kitchens).

The other mutants are pretty cool too and a special mention goes out to Beast as he is played by our very own kid from E4's Skins.

All in all, a worthwhile film, its an action packed, comical light hearted entertaining movie and I would take my girlfriend to the cinema to see this if A) I had one and B) if I was allowed back in the Odeon after smear shit gate.

Overall Score: 4 ComedyMurphs out of 5

Shopping Online For Xmas? Save Money and Get Cashback!

2010-12-06T08:41:00.000-08:00

Cashback from Play/Amazon/Boots/Zavvi and more!

Hi Guys,

I have been keeping my eye on xmas deals and stumbled across a useful site called Quidco. It works with all the big online retailers and is a no brainer if you order online.

It gives you discount codes/links for popular sites like Play.com, Amazon, Boots etc and also cash back!

For example, I found a deal for an Ipad from an online store which gave you 5% off with the voucher code and then Quidco also gave 8% back, so a £429 Ipad was £374.95.

Any way, check it out and save some more at xmas, and remember to use it all the time and not just for xmas and see how much you save.

Link Below, Thanks.

Visit Site Now!

Another good site is called UK Hot Deals.com and this is a good place to hunt for bargains.

Good luck this xmas.

Fifa 11 Ultimate Team - Guide To Making Lots Of Coins.

2010-11-08T08:25:00.000-08:00

Hi Guys,

I am not much of a gamer these days due to my busy lifestyle (eating as many meals as possible each day) but there is still one game a play when I can and thats Fifa 11 on the Xbox 360 or PS3. The ultimate team add on is free this year and I am going to share the secrets of how to make loadsa coins fast.

As a thank you for my top tips, please have a look at my how to get free stuff page and check it out (thats how I got Fifa 11, for free!)

The standard way is by winning games and tournaments but this can take ages and you will have to continue buying contracts etc.

Another way to help is by buying packs with ms points but this can get out of control and before you know it you have spent £80 trying to get a Ronaldo.

The best way in my opinion is playing the transfer / trade market. Buy low, sell high. The methods for this are listed below.

Method 1: Snap up quality silvers before the silver tourneys launch:
Last year, Beckford, Wellbeck and many other EPL silvers were selling for over 100k during the big silver tourneys. Do not invest too much in Golds now, they will drop, the silvers are where people are missing a trick.

This year I have bought 2 x De Laet (Silver 73) CB Man Utd for £24000 and then £29000 and then re-sold them both for £90000 each as they are going to go up further in value when the big silver tourney launches (I did not hold on to them as I needed the coins now).
Other players I would recommend are EPL strikers with good pace (Beckford and also a blackburn striker are going at a good sell on rate).

Method 2: The 59 Minute Mark
Simple, but you need luck and patience. Firstly search for (just an example) EPL Gold player with a BIN Maximum of £15000, then flick through the screens for awhile (Until you get to cards that have 59 minutes left) then, see if you spot ant cards that have a low BIN price.

People may list a card for 1 hour but then accidentally do a low BIN. Snap em up fast and sell on straight away. I have one had Christiano Ronaldo for £15000, then resold him for £500,000. I felt sorry for the sucker who listed him.

Method 3: Bulk buy and starve the market - You control the value
Ok, think a little on this one. Last year I did this with a Chelsea player (silver LM). What I did was buy everyone of them i could find, about 20 odd of them. I made sure that they were all under 3k as I planned to sell for around 40k each.

Once I had them all, he became rare on the market (I had them all) so I slowly released them, one by one, staring at 40k. As he was rare, all the people who wanted him got into bidding wars and others then were willing to pay more. I slowly released more and more and as he became more available I ended up dropping the price to 20k. So the first one I sold for 58k covered the cost of all 20 of them (plus some profit) and then it was all pure profit.

Method 4: Buy lower value players and sell slightly higher
This is the basic begginers way to make money. I have not done this yet with FUT 11 but last year I was buying people like Stuart Downing for 600 and then selling for 1400-2200. Its slower but keep doing this then once you have 30000, you can buy a good silver player like De Laet or Beckford and re sell for 100k.

Beware of Scammers:
Never respond to a message in game, there are no glitches/bugs which allow card duplication.

The scam works by they saying they will prove it works by duplicating one of you bronze cards (they then buy one of the market as they are cheap and common) they then return them and you then (idiotically) send them your Messi to be suplicated. They then take that card and you never hear from them again. Like my ex wife, you cant trust em.

Be safe.

This guide was only a quick over view but I hope it will help you build your ultimate teams.

Please visit my freebie site as a way of thanks.

Sky Player For Xbox 360 Reveiw

2010-10-25T04:57:00.000-07:00

Product: Sky Player For Xbox 360
Purchased From: Sky
Price: £15 Per Month Upwards

Many of you may already know this, but I live in a flat and can not have a satellite dish because my neighbour is Joe from Eastenders and every time he sees a dish, he wraps tinfoil around his willy and says "go away, leave me alone" as he thinks aliens are contacting him through the dish. So, how do I get to watch football and the fantastic Idiot abroad without making Joe go mad? Simples, I try the Sky player through My Xbox 360.

Foil D%&K Joe, My Neighbour

"First off, I must say, I have tried it in the past when it was released and it was shocking. Kept stopping, picture was poor so I cancelled. I am now in a better broadband area so gave it another shot. Here is what I thought"

Whats do you get?:
There are many packages available but you can check them out on the sky website. I opted for the entertainment pack (Sky 1, MTV, Gold etc) and the Sky Sports pack (1-4 and news). I did not need movies as I like to drink absence and imagine movies in my mind, like my new flick filleting Nemo which is about a Sushi chef with a dragon tattoo, its a rom com. The price is probably the same as normal Sky but you do not get a box, you can not record and you do not get as many channels. Some shows also aren't shown (Such as Simpsons). The only benefit is that it can be cancelled monthly and not yearly.

Testing:
90% of the time it is good. The picture is far better than what you would get from the free online footy streams and the sound is perfect. Some times it stutters and this can be frustrating especially when your watching a commercial and you never get to find out how those ladies soften their stools. The channel selection is ok but the older program archive is great, watch some bafta contenders on Bravo with Danny Dyers hardest men and banged up abroad, I love this s**t!

Overall:
Its a great bit of software if you can not have a sky dish BUT it is too expensive considering what you would get for free if you could have a dish. I would recommend finding a 3 for 2 trial or half price for 3 months to see what you think first.

Pros

Watch Sky Without A Dish
Watch popular shows on demand (An Idiot Abroad)
One Less Box In Your House, Works Through The Xbox
Monthly Subscriptions Rather than Annually
Genuine Sky Sports

Cons

More Expensive Than A Date With Paris Hilton
Does Not Always Stream Very Well
Less Channels To Choose from Than Normal Sky
No Recording Or HD Functions

Rating
6.5/10

The Social Network - Movie Review

2010-10-21T10:19:00.000-07:00

IMDB

The Social Network

I am guessing that you have heard about a little website called face book, in fact some of you may have had counselling due to being Facebook raped. I feel your pain. Well, this film is about the guy who invented Facebook and all his chums.

What Did I Think?

I enjoyed this movie, it was interesting as we all use Facebook now and it has revolutionised our social communication as well as changing technology (SMART phones with Apps to Facebook etc) but to be honest, this could have been done in a documentary as the actual movie does not really hit as a genre. It is however amazing that Facebook was started only 8 years ago, it seems like we have had it forever.

There are few jokes, no real shocks or twists and it is pretty average overall. I must mentioned though that Justin Timberlake was actually really good in this and it is the first time I believed him as an actor.

Worth a trip to the cinema?

No, I would wait for this one to come to DVD and rent it or wait for it to be on TV. If you see a documentary about the Facebook guy though, I would not bother as you will already know the story.

It is not the type of film you can watch over and over either, so may not be worth a purchase, just a watch.

Overall

7/10 Just because it was an interesting true story

How To Get A Free Apple Iphone 4 and IPADs plus consoles, xmas gifts etc.

2010-10-21T10:03:00.000-07:00

Another thing that gets my tail up is the amount of people who are too sceptical to believe a good deal when they see one. Now I have been stung in the past by what I thought was a lady only to find that it was a man and what a man indeed, but things ended with me and Mark Fowler the day he told me his secret but I took a risk for you guys and can confirm this is legitimate.

Anyway, I have gone off track, basically the world is suffering from money issues and as a result so are we. But companies do not care about this, they keep bringing out cool things and making us want them. The question is, how do you get them without getting in to debt and ruining your kids chance of going to Oxford Uni. Ipad or Smart kid, Ipad or drug dependent child, its a tough call.

Well I have found the answer. There are many websites/companies who get paid by other companies to bring them new customers. These websites can speed the amount of new customers up but offering incentives. Similar to when we were young and a bank would give you free chart CDs when you signed up to an account (I still have my STEPs album and it has come in handy at many a party).

My link below will take you to one of these sites (there are 2 on offer, 1 for Apple products direct from Apple and 1 for custom Orders direct from Amazon.co.uk)

How can they afford to give these lovely expensive items away? Simple. You go through their link, sign up with an offer (one where you have not done so before) and they get paid for the referral. They then pass on part of their payment to you as a thank you.

For example:

You sign up for a betting company and bet £5, the betting company now has a new customer who may like the service and continue to use it, they then pay the website £45 for bringing them a new customer. The site then passes on to you £20 towards a gift or £17 bank transfer as a reward for each new customer you bring them. For example, If you want an IPAD, you need to complete 1 offer, then ask 22 other people to do

It is a lot cheaper than the companies spending millions on a TV advert which may only get a small percentage of new customers.

I have been using the below sites for over 2 years now and have had some great freebies, and now is the best time to do it (in time for christmas). Does your partner want a fancy Apple device or your kids want an XBOX? Then why pay, just ask family and friends to help and get it for free. Please thank me after you get your first free gift as I want to help you.

How to do it:

Download my guide here for my expert advice on the quickest methods to get your free sizzle and the things NOT to do.

Then,

Click either of the 2 apple links below (if you want an Iphone, Ipod, Ipad or Itunes stuff) or click the bottom if you want anything from Amazon (Games, consoles, DVDs etc)

Sign up with your correct information (to ensure they can ship your gift to you)
Pick your gift
Complete just 1 offer (read the terms, for example, the Coral offer, you have to wager a £5 bet to get qualified (if you do this one, do horse racing and do either way on the 2nd favourite, you will make a profit)
You then get a link, ask your friends to do the same.
Once the required amount of friends have done this, they will send your gift!

Reusable Toaster Bag Review

2010-10-21T08:19:00.000-07:00

My First Review Is An Important One. I am Reviewing Reusable ToasterBags!

Product: Reusable ToasterBags
Purchased From: PoundLand, London
Price: £1 (Pack Of 2)

"Make Delicious hot toasties in only 3 minutes" is what the packet boldly claimed, how could I just walk past and not find out if this was true. I went to counter and paid using a cube from an old rubix cube, security escorted me out.

I then paid a homeless ex jazz musician called Jamie Fox to go in and make the purchase for me, his stench of urine almost made me head home and not bother, but I had to have them.

So did they work? yes, they did.

Whats in the box:
The packet not only contained 2 little shiny bags for toasting but also an amazing 20 recipe guide which would have put Gordon Ramsey and his f$%^&g foul mouth to shame. Suck on that Gordy!

Gordon: Shocked At How Good Recipes Were

Testing:
Now for cooking, I had decided to make a cheese and Chorizo toasted sandwich, this wasn't in the recipe guide but I wanted to test these babies to the max. I had to squeeze them in my small toaster like a child thief into an air vent. Cook for 3 minutes it said, so I did.

Result:
The sandwich was toasted nicely, the cheese all melty like a crack hookers expression when you refuse to pay and they do not understand, the meat was warm, like it was alive again.
This my friends was an experience in-between cheese on toast and a brevy. Ideal for lunches at work or for a sneaky snack while your partners unconscious at the bottom of the stairs.

Pros

Quick Hot Snack
Makes Lunch More Interesting
Reusable
No Stick
Great Recepes

Cons

Needs more supervision than a nonse in a school (Can burn quick)
You have to clean them after each use
Smaller toasters may struggle
You may get hooked and get to fat to dance

Rating
7/10

Review Of The Television Series, The Only Way Is Essex - ITV2

2010-10-21T08:13:00.000-07:00

I, like many of my Essex blood brothers, was looking forward to this show in the hope that it will show the real people from Essex and not the perceived typical Essex boys and girls that many people judge us on. Instead, I was very disappointed.

The show follows a bunch of rich, spoilt, morons from Brentwood in Essex as they "chat up birds" and glue fake diamonds to their pubic areas. It is a cross between seven days (also crap) and a Danny Dyer love novel. My main beef is how they try to make the bar in Brentwood (The SugarHut) appear as an upmarket swanky venue when it is just a bar in Brentwood, not Chelsea and I can confirm from personal experience it is not much different from a bar in Leigh on Sea.

The characters are all incredibly unlikeable from the get go. Mark is an especially unsavoury character, opting to brag about his riches and make his ex's (WAG looking wannabe) life miserable. I have only been able to stomach the first episode but this guy turned up on her birthday and flirted with some bird who is meant to be 21 (she looks mid 30s) just to make her jealous. I guess she deserved it for looking like she has overdosed on Sunny D but he must realise it is being filmed.

I do not want to spend too long ranting about how much I despise the show and cast so I will just ask you to do one thing, please do not make these people celebrities, I can confirm that no one watches this in London as they find it pathetic, "All people from London, wishes they was from Essex", yes and that is why everyone moves from London to Essex so that they can enjoy funky Brentwood and great fake tanned men.

My advice, avoid at all costs, these people have tried to buy fame, do not allow it, instead go outside and like the leafs on a tree.

You can find more about this pile of sh@@ below:

http://www.itv.com/channels/itv2/itv2shows/theonlywayisessex/

Welcome, To A New Evolution Of SmurfsHole

2010-10-21T04:41:00.000-07:00

Hi Guys,

It has been awhile since I had a site or blog or updated Youtube etc. Life has been busy, in a good way, and sometimes a bad way (The police enquiry into why I have been importing all of those Spanish Lizards has not helped). Now though, I am clean, I am off sniffing the prawn paste and am now helping youngsters with similar issues.

My new blog will be a mix of product reviews (Any thing and everything), film reviews, gossip and my grudges!

I will also show you funny things to do on the internet when your board, "NO uncle glitter not that web site, bad boy, your a bad boy!" What a mess he has made.

Enjoy my friends